Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
