i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
