I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
