Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
