The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize