My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Small penises have feelings too.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
