One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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