Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
