can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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