My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
