I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
