We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
