Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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