The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
