well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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