First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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