If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
