i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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