Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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