the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
