first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize