is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
