sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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