Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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