...so i touched it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
