I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize