i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
