i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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