she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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