why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
