Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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