so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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