so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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