I think im going to throw up on grandma
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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