So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
