you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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