piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
