I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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