So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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