Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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