i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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