I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
