pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
