The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
