I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Randomize
