My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
