ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
