My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
