I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
