I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
