i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
