When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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