If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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