Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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