Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
