whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
