My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry about my life...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
