id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
