Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
