I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
