Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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