I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
