meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Congratulations! We have a period
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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