Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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