walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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