I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's Friday. Sex?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
