and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize