my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
